I may be a little behind in my reporting these days, so for the purposes of this entry, we'll just blame it on the recent barrage of drugs that I have been taking to cure my ills.
Within the last couple of months there has been excessive talk about how writer James Frey managed to con Oprah and hoards of readers with his book of lies "A Million Little Pieces". The very thought that Oprah was "more than disappointed" by this discovery had me thinking back to when I was a kid and when I did something really bad, instead of getting punished, my parents would play the "disappointed" card which in turn, made me feel much worse than any grounding could possibly accomplish. Now I know how James felt having to face up to the chief cook and bottle washer of all media moguls. I think I saw him lick his lips, take sips of water and shallow gasps of air during his couch side interview much in the same way anyone testifying before congress would. It was both eye opening and unnerving.
So, the guy made some stuff up, took creative license, changed various details of his past. Who in the world could blame him? This is what writers do, each and every time a new non-fiction book hits the shelves, at some point, we all have to ask ourselves, is this for real? How many times have you read a story in a news magazine and wondered the exact same thing? Does anyone else remember the New Republic's associate editor Stephen Glass? It took months and months of investigation before anyone was able to prove that the self proclaimed Fabulist created stories out of nothing for the more than 90 year old famous publication, which ironically is bent on both political and social responsibility. If anyone should have stepped up to protect Mr. Frey it was his own publisher. The very moment he was publicly accused of lying, they should have come forth and made a statement saying that the manuscript he turned in originally was in fact a novel, but that they decided to release it as a memoir, all for the sole purpose of selling more units. End of story.
Instead, James is now being lynched by the media and a very ignorant and hypocritical audience. This is a guy, who in my opinion, is by far more talented than many of the other so called writers we've had to kiss the asses of in recent years (I won't name names, but suffice it to say, there is a lot of literary shite out on the shelves at the moment). As for Frey, I predict an Adaptation style screenplay to pop up within a year. Will it be any good? Hell no! But it will get made because it will make tons of money, just like the book has.
I read this priceless comment on one bloggers site and I think it sums up the interview with Oprah perfectly:
"Frey's 'memoir' of the Oprah incident: And then Oprah did lines off the couch while the audience threw rotten vegetables filled with cyanide."
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
What the cluck?
First there was the Burger King king and as disturbing as he is, we are currently being subjected to a strange hybrid spokesperson, which looks something like a cross between a live Ken doll complete with plastic facial features, an obnoxious 70's porn star and an over the top game show host, known as Doctor Angus. As bizarre as these BK creations are, the masters of the fast food genre have actually taken bad taste to a whole new level. While surfing the net, I discovered that Burger King launched an artificial intelligence viral campaign, publishing the Subservient Chicken site, where visitors can command the guy-in-chicken-costume to do pretty much anything. After three minutes of experimentation, the chicken was able to obey all commands, including "read a book," "contemplate existence," and "shun cigar smokers." Excessive experimentation led to the deduction that this particular chicken does not understand French or any other language besides English. My attempts at getting the mascot to do something nasty on screen were soon met with it's disapproval, which soon gave way to a freaky stare into my eyes, followed by a finger wagging. Creeeeeeeepy!
The effort comes perhaps as a response to McDonald's early A.I efforts, in which a mysterious computer asks odd questions in an attempt to weed out people who didn't see a particular TV ad. Online marketers found that campaign very odd until it was revealed that the site was meant for Canadians.
What the cluck?
The effort comes perhaps as a response to McDonald's early A.I efforts, in which a mysterious computer asks odd questions in an attempt to weed out people who didn't see a particular TV ad. Online marketers found that campaign very odd until it was revealed that the site was meant for Canadians.
What the cluck?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
World Party
2006! Post millennium days have given way to new and wonderful avenues in music. The 90's had us sweltering in grunge. They knocked the 80's into a cocked hat, shaded the 70's and gave the 60's a run for their money. The last days before the millennium came in like a rocket, we all thought the world would end or worse yet, we wouldn't be able to log onto the internet! This would have been a huge tragedy, as we'd have all missed out on one the greatest sites ever created.
If you've ever listened to a band and simply adored their sound, but had trouble finding other groups that would come close, Pandora will serve as your personal DJ. I urge anyone and everyone to check them out, sign up and prepare yourselves to be truly grateful.
Just hit the title of this rant and let the turntables fly...
If you've ever listened to a band and simply adored their sound, but had trouble finding other groups that would come close, Pandora will serve as your personal DJ. I urge anyone and everyone to check them out, sign up and prepare yourselves to be truly grateful.
Just hit the title of this rant and let the turntables fly...
Sunday, February 19, 2006
The landscape of life
I've been inspired by a conversation I had with my special friend. We'd been talking about the notion or belief in soulmates and whether or not they exist or if they're simply a myth. Soon after our chat, I was listening to Placebo's song called "sleeping with ghosts" and Mister Molko was singing about the very subject. The lyrics are beautiful and tragic;
The sea's evaporated
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
Their explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line
Hush
It's okay
Dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Cause soulmates never die
This one world vision
Turns us in to compromise
What good's religion
When it's each other we despise
Damn the government
Damn the killing
Damn the lies
Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Never die
Soulmates never die
Never die...
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
*******************
So, this notion of soulmates got me thinking and I've read a significant blog on the subject, which is posted by two doctors of psychology.
Here are just a few of their insights into the subject:
"The idea of a soulmate has both conscious or unconscious elements. Even if we do not intellectually believe in soulmates, we are still affected.
Many people openly and consciously yearn for a soulmate. They may even believe one person is out there for them, that "right" person.
We all hold some unconscious list of notions describing an "ideal" relationship partner. Often we recite parts of this list as what we want in a partner.
But reality inevitably fails to match our ideals. And we judge and react to real people according to our ideals.
As a result, many relationships that have potential are blocked, if not lost. And dissatisfaction, unhappiness and upsets are unconsciously generated.
Unlike a couple just falling in love, for us this feeling was not a dream or based on hope for the future. It's easy to feel like you are soulmates in the midst of a passionate and seemingly endless honeymoon.
When you feel like soulmates at the end of a decade, something else is involved. It is not a fantasy, but a realization based on a real-world track record, already well tested by time."
Our authors maintain that there are two types of soulmates, one that is real, while the other is more the myth and doesn't last.
"1.Love at first sight = Potential Soulmates
2.Love that overcomes challenges = Real-World Soulmates
Real-world soulmates are tempered by time, like metal by fire. Time reveals that they persistently chose to learn and grow when confronted by challenges.
When couples first fall in love, it is the honeymoon — a time of magic and wonder. Hearts open. Spirits soar. In this expansive state, with ecstatic feelings of being in love, couples may feel they are soulmates.
Here is the sense we make of this. The feeling of "being soulmates" is all about the incredible openness and receptivity, the expansion so far beyond our norm and comfort zone, the heightened clear access to energy and passion.
It takes more than just love — or that incomparable opening and expansion in the honeymoon — to have a lasting relationship. Countless couples start with total positive feelings of being in love, and then somewhere down the road, they painfully split up. What does this reality tell us?
In the honeymoon, we coast along in a purely receptive role. There is nothing we have to do. We just enjoy all those great honeymoon feelings of being in love. During this phase, we feel our partner inspires and uplifts us.
Yet when differences or upset feelings arise in a relationship, as inevitably they will, we find ourselves without our source of inspiration. Both partners want that missing uplift, and neither is able to inspire it.
We are the ones who must realize it is our own openness that is the key to keeping a relationship great and growing — and then learn to re-open ourselves — even when there are challenges. Especially when there are challenges!
In some ways, the myth of "soulmates" is about a relationship that is blue sky forever. Always sunny, and that sunshine pours down on us, brightens us up, lifts us.
In a real-world relationship, challenges come. The sky occasionally clouds. We are asked to stay present with what is — not run and hide, waiting for the rainy day to pass. We are challenged to put aside limiting beliefs and embrace the rain, realizing that even rain has a positive purpose.
Relationship is our greatest teacher. It tells us what we need to learn next in life for our personal growth. In love we are called on to do work — to become more skillful in relating, move beyond our past wounds and limits, and grow as human beings. This personal growth will include learning new tools and strategies in how we communicate, behave, and process emotions.
How Do You Know if You Are True "Soulmates"?
You are real-world soulmates if you're both doing your personal growth work in the face of challenges.You cannot know it by the honeymoon phase alone. To know you are real-world soulmates, you need to see how you both show up to work with real-world upsets, sensitivities, differences and challenges.
Some couples start with all the magic feelings about being soulmates — and then it fizzles. Continuing to want a passive solution to love, they conclude their partner was not the "right" person after all. They then look for the next honeymoon high, hitch the next passive ride — until it crashes.
Other couples do not even think the word soulmate, nor do they believe in magic. But they commit to personal growth and face each lesson that love brings up. After awhile, doing the work of relationship over the years, they can see the solid trust and intimacy they have built, and there is little doubt in their hearts — they are soulmates. The solidity and clarity of this feeling of being "soulmates" is based on the personal growth which enables you, yourself, to stay open even in the face of a challenge, problem or emotionally-charged issue. It is in that openness that these difficulties resolve and love grows even stronger. But paradoxically, it is in the willingness to open, and re-open again — as often as needed — and embrace the obstacle directly in front of you — that you finally get to a more continual and expanded state, a reliable fullness of love, and the deep core sense of being soulmates. This is very different than the early sense of openness and expansiveness in the honeymoon, where you get your first glimpse of the feeling of being soulmates. It is based on real world experience, and passing the tests where most couples fail. And you know that. There is no longer doubt. Soulmates happen, of course, when both partners are simultaneously doing this. Becoming soulmates is not a solitary process. It is the result of two people opening, even in the face of challenges.
In conclusion, you know you are with a "soulmate" if you are both doing your soulwork together. Soulwork is that courageous self-opening, expanding and growing as a chosen response to challenges that close down most people. In doing that work, you evolve yourself and your soul matures. The requirement is being willing to take a challenge to heart and respond to it by learning new tools, strategies or understandings to overcome it. Doing that enables you to succeed in building a partnership so unparalleled that the best way you have to describe that in words is that you are truly soulmates."
The sea's evaporated
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
Their explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line
Hush
It's okay
Dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Cause soulmates never die
This one world vision
Turns us in to compromise
What good's religion
When it's each other we despise
Damn the government
Damn the killing
Damn the lies
Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Never die
Soulmates never die
Never die...
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
*******************
So, this notion of soulmates got me thinking and I've read a significant blog on the subject, which is posted by two doctors of psychology.
Here are just a few of their insights into the subject:
"The idea of a soulmate has both conscious or unconscious elements. Even if we do not intellectually believe in soulmates, we are still affected.
Many people openly and consciously yearn for a soulmate. They may even believe one person is out there for them, that "right" person.
We all hold some unconscious list of notions describing an "ideal" relationship partner. Often we recite parts of this list as what we want in a partner.
But reality inevitably fails to match our ideals. And we judge and react to real people according to our ideals.
As a result, many relationships that have potential are blocked, if not lost. And dissatisfaction, unhappiness and upsets are unconsciously generated.
Unlike a couple just falling in love, for us this feeling was not a dream or based on hope for the future. It's easy to feel like you are soulmates in the midst of a passionate and seemingly endless honeymoon.
When you feel like soulmates at the end of a decade, something else is involved. It is not a fantasy, but a realization based on a real-world track record, already well tested by time."
Our authors maintain that there are two types of soulmates, one that is real, while the other is more the myth and doesn't last.
"1.Love at first sight = Potential Soulmates
2.Love that overcomes challenges = Real-World Soulmates
Real-world soulmates are tempered by time, like metal by fire. Time reveals that they persistently chose to learn and grow when confronted by challenges.
When couples first fall in love, it is the honeymoon — a time of magic and wonder. Hearts open. Spirits soar. In this expansive state, with ecstatic feelings of being in love, couples may feel they are soulmates.
Here is the sense we make of this. The feeling of "being soulmates" is all about the incredible openness and receptivity, the expansion so far beyond our norm and comfort zone, the heightened clear access to energy and passion.
It takes more than just love — or that incomparable opening and expansion in the honeymoon — to have a lasting relationship. Countless couples start with total positive feelings of being in love, and then somewhere down the road, they painfully split up. What does this reality tell us?
In the honeymoon, we coast along in a purely receptive role. There is nothing we have to do. We just enjoy all those great honeymoon feelings of being in love. During this phase, we feel our partner inspires and uplifts us.
Yet when differences or upset feelings arise in a relationship, as inevitably they will, we find ourselves without our source of inspiration. Both partners want that missing uplift, and neither is able to inspire it.
We are the ones who must realize it is our own openness that is the key to keeping a relationship great and growing — and then learn to re-open ourselves — even when there are challenges. Especially when there are challenges!
In some ways, the myth of "soulmates" is about a relationship that is blue sky forever. Always sunny, and that sunshine pours down on us, brightens us up, lifts us.
In a real-world relationship, challenges come. The sky occasionally clouds. We are asked to stay present with what is — not run and hide, waiting for the rainy day to pass. We are challenged to put aside limiting beliefs and embrace the rain, realizing that even rain has a positive purpose.
Relationship is our greatest teacher. It tells us what we need to learn next in life for our personal growth. In love we are called on to do work — to become more skillful in relating, move beyond our past wounds and limits, and grow as human beings. This personal growth will include learning new tools and strategies in how we communicate, behave, and process emotions.
How Do You Know if You Are True "Soulmates"?
You are real-world soulmates if you're both doing your personal growth work in the face of challenges.You cannot know it by the honeymoon phase alone. To know you are real-world soulmates, you need to see how you both show up to work with real-world upsets, sensitivities, differences and challenges.
Some couples start with all the magic feelings about being soulmates — and then it fizzles. Continuing to want a passive solution to love, they conclude their partner was not the "right" person after all. They then look for the next honeymoon high, hitch the next passive ride — until it crashes.
Other couples do not even think the word soulmate, nor do they believe in magic. But they commit to personal growth and face each lesson that love brings up. After awhile, doing the work of relationship over the years, they can see the solid trust and intimacy they have built, and there is little doubt in their hearts — they are soulmates. The solidity and clarity of this feeling of being "soulmates" is based on the personal growth which enables you, yourself, to stay open even in the face of a challenge, problem or emotionally-charged issue. It is in that openness that these difficulties resolve and love grows even stronger. But paradoxically, it is in the willingness to open, and re-open again — as often as needed — and embrace the obstacle directly in front of you — that you finally get to a more continual and expanded state, a reliable fullness of love, and the deep core sense of being soulmates. This is very different than the early sense of openness and expansiveness in the honeymoon, where you get your first glimpse of the feeling of being soulmates. It is based on real world experience, and passing the tests where most couples fail. And you know that. There is no longer doubt. Soulmates happen, of course, when both partners are simultaneously doing this. Becoming soulmates is not a solitary process. It is the result of two people opening, even in the face of challenges.
In conclusion, you know you are with a "soulmate" if you are both doing your soulwork together. Soulwork is that courageous self-opening, expanding and growing as a chosen response to challenges that close down most people. In doing that work, you evolve yourself and your soul matures. The requirement is being willing to take a challenge to heart and respond to it by learning new tools, strategies or understandings to overcome it. Doing that enables you to succeed in building a partnership so unparalleled that the best way you have to describe that in words is that you are truly soulmates."
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Into the deep end
So, I am on some medication to treat a bacterial infection that I contracted.
I've been feeling very odd ever since taking it and as is always the case with me, I had to research some of it's side effects to be sure that I am not experiencing anything abnormal. If truth be told, I feel like shite and am exhausted both physically and emotionally.
Here's what I found out:
This antibiotic may cause the following symptoms (I should point out that these are considered common...Just my luck).
Dizziness; fatigue; fever; headache; impaired concentration; impaired taste; influenza-like symptoms such as unusual tiredness or weakness; irritability; red itchy skin; large swing in moods; loss of appetite; muscle or joint pain; nausea, vomiting, or upset stomach; nervousness; Diarrhea (mild to severe); Redness and warm feeling at the site of injection; shaking; temporary thinning of hair; stuffy nose; trouble sleeping.
I suppose it's not a good thing if I have experienced almost all of these. Well, as there are roughly 7 more days to go on this merry-go-round of emotions, the bottle will be empty and I will resume a life less ordinary.
Ho hum.
I've been feeling very odd ever since taking it and as is always the case with me, I had to research some of it's side effects to be sure that I am not experiencing anything abnormal. If truth be told, I feel like shite and am exhausted both physically and emotionally.
Here's what I found out:
This antibiotic may cause the following symptoms (I should point out that these are considered common...Just my luck).
Dizziness; fatigue; fever; headache; impaired concentration; impaired taste; influenza-like symptoms such as unusual tiredness or weakness; irritability; red itchy skin; large swing in moods; loss of appetite; muscle or joint pain; nausea, vomiting, or upset stomach; nervousness; Diarrhea (mild to severe); Redness and warm feeling at the site of injection; shaking; temporary thinning of hair; stuffy nose; trouble sleeping.
I suppose it's not a good thing if I have experienced almost all of these. Well, as there are roughly 7 more days to go on this merry-go-round of emotions, the bottle will be empty and I will resume a life less ordinary.
Ho hum.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Parallel Universe
Everyone that knows me is aware that I have a fascination with the odd, the intriguing, why even the bizarre. I have always maintained an open mind, especially when it comes to literature or the spoken word. However, I have, in recent days, been perusing the web and it's many blogs. Most authors, creators, writers, ranters are clever and offer some of the most insightful prose, stories, brain droppings and rants. And then, there are, what I would call posers, impostors, illiterates and fools. I came across this beauty (and there are several others just like it) earlier in the evening and upon further inspection, it would appear that it's a strange hodgepodge of words, signifying nothing.
Perhaps this was originally composed in another language and could have subsequently been interpreted online by some misconfigured site (the frosted side of me agrees that I am being fair in my suspiciousness, but the wheat side judges more harshly and is inclined to believe that it's nothing more than a waste of space by some online Philistine...or as my Saturday friend put it: "that blog site is no doubt a translation or they're speaking in tongues and it's the rapture!" ...hilarious, as always).
You be the judge:
New auto loans
Perhaps he has the puffiest passion for it of any one living ; and sonnetted the soldier-servant sentiment bustin as tender from the first, and as pervading, we might cobhurst loos'd new auto loans of which Elwes's and Blackminster would sleepin envied him the sicker, had they chanced to be his paste-eels. This new auto loans commenced its existence in the Assyrias Banking-house with the bullish Ramesses, distinguished by its spinose travellers.
They stuck an cod's-roe after sunspot and breakfasted by the side of the car in a high fly-blister of free-mason musicas. As he interfused about in the statue-worshipper, one could beseem that the upstream part of his hydrogen-waste, his head and stage-doorkeepers, were bent slightly forward.
and dark and green and sound Closing slowly round Madamasel me as I stealed, And assended on until I scribble Where a cross-hill cigar-shaped jewish flowed Under new auto loans thin and bare In the moon's long candle new auto loans. At their entrance and settlement upon the left download mp3 ringtones of the Rhine and in Stedinesse, the Snakers demused not abandoned the right death-square and Institutionum ; After the defeat of the Insolences at Chalons, and the founding of the Psyekov, Anschuetz, and Frankish kingdoms in Bassetts, that movement had sanction'd, if not arrested, at any new auto loans forsworn, and for the new auto loans utilised.
and all dark was the D-sharp when we pushed unlikeliest the yard skittle-grounds and fish'd in. The Rye Quartet tactfully misconstrued playing to drown her oweepeetcheesees, which continued for some time in the slanderer monstrosius. a seasonal way to hersel slidd, and I for one would rather over-insistence a modest blackmail every incendiarism or two than house-clean the illustration of issuing a good ship and a briar-scratched sthrong. All pre-suppositions meet with the copsy confusio, and it has set the clever sinitors among tire-makers proselyting how the disarmamint can be remedied
Perhaps this was originally composed in another language and could have subsequently been interpreted online by some misconfigured site (the frosted side of me agrees that I am being fair in my suspiciousness, but the wheat side judges more harshly and is inclined to believe that it's nothing more than a waste of space by some online Philistine...or as my Saturday friend put it: "that blog site is no doubt a translation or they're speaking in tongues and it's the rapture!" ...hilarious, as always).
You be the judge:
New auto loans
Perhaps he has the puffiest passion for it of any one living ; and sonnetted the soldier-servant sentiment bustin as tender from the first, and as pervading, we might cobhurst loos'd new auto loans of which Elwes's and Blackminster would sleepin envied him the sicker, had they chanced to be his paste-eels. This new auto loans commenced its existence in the Assyrias Banking-house with the bullish Ramesses, distinguished by its spinose travellers.
They stuck an cod's-roe after sunspot and breakfasted by the side of the car in a high fly-blister of free-mason musicas. As he interfused about in the statue-worshipper, one could beseem that the upstream part of his hydrogen-waste, his head and stage-doorkeepers, were bent slightly forward.
and dark and green and sound Closing slowly round Madamasel me as I stealed, And assended on until I scribble Where a cross-hill cigar-shaped jewish flowed Under new auto loans thin and bare In the moon's long candle new auto loans. At their entrance and settlement upon the left download mp3 ringtones of the Rhine and in Stedinesse, the Snakers demused not abandoned the right death-square and Institutionum ; After the defeat of the Insolences at Chalons, and the founding of the Psyekov, Anschuetz, and Frankish kingdoms in Bassetts, that movement had sanction'd, if not arrested, at any new auto loans forsworn, and for the new auto loans utilised.
and all dark was the D-sharp when we pushed unlikeliest the yard skittle-grounds and fish'd in. The Rye Quartet tactfully misconstrued playing to drown her oweepeetcheesees, which continued for some time in the slanderer monstrosius. a seasonal way to hersel slidd, and I for one would rather over-insistence a modest blackmail every incendiarism or two than house-clean the illustration of issuing a good ship and a briar-scratched sthrong. All pre-suppositions meet with the copsy confusio, and it has set the clever sinitors among tire-makers proselyting how the disarmamint can be remedied
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Psychomotor City
As is the usual case, my special friend always manages to inspire me. We'll call him my muse for all things unconventional and interesting. Today's subject matter is no exception. I can't say that I agree with all the views in the research I found on the subject, but it definitely makes for a fascinating topic.
Dopamine.
It's at the core of our sexual drives and survival needs, and it motivates us to do just about everything. This mechanism within the reward center of the primitive brain has been around for millions of years and has not changed one bit. Rats, humans, all mammals for that matter, are very similar in this respect.
Dopamine is behind a lot of the desire we associate with eating and sexual intercourse. Similarly, all addictive drugs trigger dopamine (the "craving neurochemical") to stimulate the pleasure/reward center. So do gambling, shopping, overeating and other, seemingly unrelated, activities. Go shopping: dopamine. Smoke a cigarette: dopamine. Computer games: dopamine. Heroin: dopamine. Orgasm: dopamine. They all work somewhat differently on the brain, but all raise your dopamine levels.
You get a bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie, high-fat foods than eating low-calorie vegetables. You may believe that you love ice cream, but you really love your blast of dopamine. You're genetically programmed to seek out high-calorie foods over others. Similarly, dopamine drives you to have sex over most other activities. With dopamine as the driving force, biology has designed you to engage in fertilization behavior to make more babies, and urges you to move on to new partners to create greater genetic variety among your offspring.
Your primitive brain accomplishes these goals of more progeny and promiscuity by manipulating your brain chemistry, and thus your desires and thoughts. High levels of dopamine increase sexual desire, encouraging you to behave recklessly. The thrill of a new affair and the rush from using pornography are examples of high dopamine. Unfortunately, consistently high levels of dopamine lead to erratic behavior and compulsions that are not conducive to survival. Most mammals, therefore, evolved with defined estrus periods when they "go into heat." The rest of the time they are more or less neutral about sex (yeah, right!). A balanced level of dopamine is necessary for good mental health. When dopamine drops, you feel like something is dreadfully wrong. Too much dopamine also leads to reckless behavior and restless anxiety, which can be quite severe. These uncomfortable feelings are then projected onto your partner. Bingo! Suddenly, he or she doesn't look so appealing. This is a very uncomfortable cycle to experience in your intimate relationship. During the "hangover," or "low-dopamine" portion of the cycle, you may feel abandoned, or as if someone is demanding things from you in ways that you cannot tolerate. Or you may desperately seek new highs (alcohol, sweets, new partners, pornography, and so forth) to raise your dopamine levels again.
Perhaps you can see how this cycle of highs and lows, or attraction and repulsion, can make your relationship feel more like a roller-coaster ride than a romantic fairytale. It is like starting and stopping in heavy traffic. It shows up in lovers' lives as intense attraction, followed by behaviors that tend to separate them. This is pretty daunting stuff and can seriously make an otherwise sane person go completely off the deep end. This kind of behavior is similar to that of a meth user, only in that case, it's totally chemical and not natural in the least. Put the two together and you have a recipe for disaster.
Dopamine.
It's at the core of our sexual drives and survival needs, and it motivates us to do just about everything. This mechanism within the reward center of the primitive brain has been around for millions of years and has not changed one bit. Rats, humans, all mammals for that matter, are very similar in this respect.
Dopamine is behind a lot of the desire we associate with eating and sexual intercourse. Similarly, all addictive drugs trigger dopamine (the "craving neurochemical") to stimulate the pleasure/reward center. So do gambling, shopping, overeating and other, seemingly unrelated, activities. Go shopping: dopamine. Smoke a cigarette: dopamine. Computer games: dopamine. Heroin: dopamine. Orgasm: dopamine. They all work somewhat differently on the brain, but all raise your dopamine levels.
You get a bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie, high-fat foods than eating low-calorie vegetables. You may believe that you love ice cream, but you really love your blast of dopamine. You're genetically programmed to seek out high-calorie foods over others. Similarly, dopamine drives you to have sex over most other activities. With dopamine as the driving force, biology has designed you to engage in fertilization behavior to make more babies, and urges you to move on to new partners to create greater genetic variety among your offspring.
Your primitive brain accomplishes these goals of more progeny and promiscuity by manipulating your brain chemistry, and thus your desires and thoughts. High levels of dopamine increase sexual desire, encouraging you to behave recklessly. The thrill of a new affair and the rush from using pornography are examples of high dopamine. Unfortunately, consistently high levels of dopamine lead to erratic behavior and compulsions that are not conducive to survival. Most mammals, therefore, evolved with defined estrus periods when they "go into heat." The rest of the time they are more or less neutral about sex (yeah, right!). A balanced level of dopamine is necessary for good mental health. When dopamine drops, you feel like something is dreadfully wrong. Too much dopamine also leads to reckless behavior and restless anxiety, which can be quite severe. These uncomfortable feelings are then projected onto your partner. Bingo! Suddenly, he or she doesn't look so appealing. This is a very uncomfortable cycle to experience in your intimate relationship. During the "hangover," or "low-dopamine" portion of the cycle, you may feel abandoned, or as if someone is demanding things from you in ways that you cannot tolerate. Or you may desperately seek new highs (alcohol, sweets, new partners, pornography, and so forth) to raise your dopamine levels again.
Perhaps you can see how this cycle of highs and lows, or attraction and repulsion, can make your relationship feel more like a roller-coaster ride than a romantic fairytale. It is like starting and stopping in heavy traffic. It shows up in lovers' lives as intense attraction, followed by behaviors that tend to separate them. This is pretty daunting stuff and can seriously make an otherwise sane person go completely off the deep end. This kind of behavior is similar to that of a meth user, only in that case, it's totally chemical and not natural in the least. Put the two together and you have a recipe for disaster.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Dreaming in technicolor
Nine out of Ten Would be Adequate
Researchers at Alabama's Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the ideal woman: "she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build, is athletic, and has pretty eyes, dark hair, good complexion and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important". The study's lead author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. "Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago." However, she adds, "It's hard to be this woman."
Yeah, about as hard as being the ideal man: exceptionally handsome, strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, is in control yet cries, is a sex expert who's only been with one woman and cares about satifying her sexual needs, not only his own.
In a perfect world...
Researchers at Alabama's Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the ideal woman: "she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build, is athletic, and has pretty eyes, dark hair, good complexion and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important". The study's lead author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. "Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago." However, she adds, "It's hard to be this woman."
Yeah, about as hard as being the ideal man: exceptionally handsome, strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, is in control yet cries, is a sex expert who's only been with one woman and cares about satifying her sexual needs, not only his own.
In a perfect world...
Sunday, February 12, 2006
The rebirth of cool
I read somewhere that socially and economically, "metrosexuality" is viewed as an important trend but after a few years, companies may decide to market a different sort of image and shift away from the importance of drawing too strong a connection between success and style. The idea that you will not be successful if you don't match your physical image to that end is sad, but in today's world, it's a fact! So, I seriously doubt that this type of marketing technique could ever become obsolete. It's all tied into popular culture and what we hype as the new cool or what now has the coveted it factor. I admit that when I meet someone new, I am all too aware of their physical appearance and how they present themselves. Perhaps I am not the best person to be commenting on this subject, as I do work in the fashion industry, where I am constantly faced with what I deem the "beautiful people" and work directly with the manufacturers that perpetuate the superficial elements that go into what makes up the "metrosexual".
Metrosexuality has come out of the closet and has thrown itself onto the untapped market of the young unkempt straight guy, sucking out his ever-so-passe notions of anxiety towards waxing, indifference towards style and his contempt for the gay man's success in attracting females with his dance moves. This is just one take on the movement, but a pretty accurate one at that. I can recall, only a few years ago, how I used to look to my few gay male friends for their views and advice on everything from fashion to decor, even what grooming products to use. Now, the entire notion of straight guys having days out at the spa, shopping and then brunching together in a smokeless environment, are all considered the new norm. I see straight men with their girlfriends trying on the latest fashions with abandon, mixing and matching colors that would have the Queer Eye guys jumping for joy. Remember how Joey on Friends reacted when he accidentally mistook a woman's purse for a man's bag...or when Seinfeld coined the phrase "men's carry-all" and tried to cover up it's real intent by shouting it's European?! It's truly amazing how men are carefully guided by skilled marketing to fantastic worlds of trendier clothes and style, higher standards in grooming but can't admit to their origins. Even the geniuses behind South Park got into the act and created a hilarious send up of all things "metrosexual", taking shots at this phenomenon, not only targeting the men of the town, but the nine year old boys as well. Stan gets beaten up on the playground when some of the kids discover he isn't using any "product" or following any of the movements criteria. Cartman even suggests holding a "metro-pride parade" after one of the boys father's believes that the women of the town have become metro-phobic!
It's clear that fashion forward images will continue to emerge in even more aggressive ways as time goes on. Films, print ads and tv will continue to assist straight culture to cross over into the gay uber world. It's pretty evident that the amount of product that is created every millisecond grows larger and seemingly more important, with everything from home decor, magazines, health and beauty products, music and personal listening devices, travel, cars, accessories, restaurants, clothing, shoes and yes, even the way we speak... all now commonplace for the gay influence. It used to be deemed highly inappropriate for a guy to express himself in a "gay" voice, trying to get a rather femme point across. Now, it's totally acceptable and gets a laugh but for all the right reasons. I find it fascinating that straight guys are striking out there and experimenting with what gay guys have been successfully doing all along. It's amusing to me and my girlfiends now when we meet a new guy and he's painfully aware of his appearance and surroundings...we have to ask: is he?
(Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
Metrosexuality has come out of the closet and has thrown itself onto the untapped market of the young unkempt straight guy, sucking out his ever-so-passe notions of anxiety towards waxing, indifference towards style and his contempt for the gay man's success in attracting females with his dance moves. This is just one take on the movement, but a pretty accurate one at that. I can recall, only a few years ago, how I used to look to my few gay male friends for their views and advice on everything from fashion to decor, even what grooming products to use. Now, the entire notion of straight guys having days out at the spa, shopping and then brunching together in a smokeless environment, are all considered the new norm. I see straight men with their girlfriends trying on the latest fashions with abandon, mixing and matching colors that would have the Queer Eye guys jumping for joy. Remember how Joey on Friends reacted when he accidentally mistook a woman's purse for a man's bag...or when Seinfeld coined the phrase "men's carry-all" and tried to cover up it's real intent by shouting it's European?! It's truly amazing how men are carefully guided by skilled marketing to fantastic worlds of trendier clothes and style, higher standards in grooming but can't admit to their origins. Even the geniuses behind South Park got into the act and created a hilarious send up of all things "metrosexual", taking shots at this phenomenon, not only targeting the men of the town, but the nine year old boys as well. Stan gets beaten up on the playground when some of the kids discover he isn't using any "product" or following any of the movements criteria. Cartman even suggests holding a "metro-pride parade" after one of the boys father's believes that the women of the town have become metro-phobic!
It's clear that fashion forward images will continue to emerge in even more aggressive ways as time goes on. Films, print ads and tv will continue to assist straight culture to cross over into the gay uber world. It's pretty evident that the amount of product that is created every millisecond grows larger and seemingly more important, with everything from home decor, magazines, health and beauty products, music and personal listening devices, travel, cars, accessories, restaurants, clothing, shoes and yes, even the way we speak... all now commonplace for the gay influence. It used to be deemed highly inappropriate for a guy to express himself in a "gay" voice, trying to get a rather femme point across. Now, it's totally acceptable and gets a laugh but for all the right reasons. I find it fascinating that straight guys are striking out there and experimenting with what gay guys have been successfully doing all along. It's amusing to me and my girlfiends now when we meet a new guy and he's painfully aware of his appearance and surroundings...we have to ask: is he?
(Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Swallowing the truth
I definitely question the legitimacy of these biblical interpretations, but they did get my attention...
The Benefits of Swallowing - Drink of the Living Water
Aside from swallowing semen as a measure to prevent the waste and spillage of seed, ingesting ejaculate can have spiritual benefits, as we will see. Although the Old Testament makes reference to the bitterness of semen (And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water. [Numbers 5:24]), the New Testament casts the act of consuming ejaculate in a much more affirming light, as in the following passage, where Jesus speaks to the woman of Samaria about the gift of “living water”:
Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, "Give me a drink,' you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water." 11 The woman said to him, "Sir, you have no bucket, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?...15 The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water." 16 Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come back." (John 4:10-16)
“Living water” in this context refers to semen, which literally is the liquid of life. As Christ indicates, drinking of the “living water” provides a spiritual replenishment for the soul. When the woman asks Jesus where she can get this “water”, he tells her to fetch her husband, clearly with the intention of instructing her on how to fellate him and swallow his semen.
Oral Sex in Christ
In summary, we can say that the Scripture supports and even encourages the act of oral sex between loving heterosexual partners. Moreover, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm) with the female partner consuming or swallowing the ejaculate. This prevents spilling seed, which is an affront to the Lord, and also provides spiritual benefit to the receiving partner. Oral sex has the added benefits of preventing unwanted pregnancies and helping couples satisfy their sexual urges while preserving their chastity until marriage. For these reasons, all Christian men and women should feel confident and comfortable including oral sex as part of their sexual life in accordance with God’s will.
The Benefits of Swallowing - Drink of the Living Water
Aside from swallowing semen as a measure to prevent the waste and spillage of seed, ingesting ejaculate can have spiritual benefits, as we will see. Although the Old Testament makes reference to the bitterness of semen (And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water. [Numbers 5:24]), the New Testament casts the act of consuming ejaculate in a much more affirming light, as in the following passage, where Jesus speaks to the woman of Samaria about the gift of “living water”:
Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, "Give me a drink,' you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water." 11 The woman said to him, "Sir, you have no bucket, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?...15 The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water." 16 Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come back." (John 4:10-16)
“Living water” in this context refers to semen, which literally is the liquid of life. As Christ indicates, drinking of the “living water” provides a spiritual replenishment for the soul. When the woman asks Jesus where she can get this “water”, he tells her to fetch her husband, clearly with the intention of instructing her on how to fellate him and swallow his semen.
Oral Sex in Christ
In summary, we can say that the Scripture supports and even encourages the act of oral sex between loving heterosexual partners. Moreover, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm) with the female partner consuming or swallowing the ejaculate. This prevents spilling seed, which is an affront to the Lord, and also provides spiritual benefit to the receiving partner. Oral sex has the added benefits of preventing unwanted pregnancies and helping couples satisfy their sexual urges while preserving their chastity until marriage. For these reasons, all Christian men and women should feel confident and comfortable including oral sex as part of their sexual life in accordance with God’s will.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Physical Graffiti
She said: " If you love him, fight for him. To hell with what people say. Everyone can give advice and be the expert, but it's your life and you have to do as you see fit...you say you love him endlessly, then prove it to yourself".
I sat back in my chair and contemplated.
Only a true friend would shout at you the very words that you long to hear and really mean them. No judgment, no bullshit.
She asked me: "Quickly, tell me the first three things you like about him."
I didn't hesitate. "His intellect, his smile and his touch. They are unlike any other".
She smiled at me and said: "Okay, now we're gettin' somewhere!".
Weird how when someone asks you to say something like that aloud, for yourself to hear, it puts new life into it. I was always of the notion that if you push beyond your limits, you end up ruining what you once had. You destroy all those good memories and replace them with bad ones. I realized that I was focusing on that way too much. I've been, for weeks, brow beating myself into believing that this entire process was meaningless, too arduous, too daunting a task to see myself through.
"Relationships are always hard" she said. "You'll have a lot of ups and downs and many challenges, but your history can only make you stronger and it's the end result that counts the most...to hell with the rest".
I smiled, sipped my tea and told her that I refused to stick my nose into the apathetic air and ignore my feelings, my true feelings at that. I reveled in the fact that Icould do this, see it through to the end and that my love for him is strong and ever lasting, no matter what.
She left me with this nugget: "A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."
Amen.
I sat back in my chair and contemplated.
Only a true friend would shout at you the very words that you long to hear and really mean them. No judgment, no bullshit.
She asked me: "Quickly, tell me the first three things you like about him."
I didn't hesitate. "His intellect, his smile and his touch. They are unlike any other".
She smiled at me and said: "Okay, now we're gettin' somewhere!".
Weird how when someone asks you to say something like that aloud, for yourself to hear, it puts new life into it. I was always of the notion that if you push beyond your limits, you end up ruining what you once had. You destroy all those good memories and replace them with bad ones. I realized that I was focusing on that way too much. I've been, for weeks, brow beating myself into believing that this entire process was meaningless, too arduous, too daunting a task to see myself through.
"Relationships are always hard" she said. "You'll have a lot of ups and downs and many challenges, but your history can only make you stronger and it's the end result that counts the most...to hell with the rest".
I smiled, sipped my tea and told her that I refused to stick my nose into the apathetic air and ignore my feelings, my true feelings at that. I reveled in the fact that Icould do this, see it through to the end and that my love for him is strong and ever lasting, no matter what.
She left me with this nugget: "A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."
Amen.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Love after Love
This was sent to me by a close friend and I had to share it
Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Scatterbrained
Gilda Radner said:
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."
To that end, I thought I'd share with you a line I read in the book Further Down The Road Less Traveled by author M. Scott Peck, that will get you thinking, as it did me and some of my friends.
He was talking about confused people and the not knowing syndrome that can drive many people to seek external help (or instead, go stark raving mad). He's not referring to the simple 'not sure if I should wear these shoes or that pair of shoes' type conundrum, but more the nagging "What the fuck is it all about anyway?" type confusion...you know, The Big Picture , The Meaning of Life. Some of which can be brought on by unresolved issues from our past, or recent events that quite literally turn ones world upside down and leave you without answer. His theme was that it is a blessing to be confused (as Jesus himself once said 'Blessed are the poor of mind') and continues to argue, quite convincingly, that it is the confused that seek and look for answers, perhaps sometimes all of their lives, but they are the people who constantly shift their ideas, thoughts and what they know, realizing that they really know very little.
That's when he interjected the line which really gave me pause for thought. He said 'Virtually all the evil in this world is caused by people who are absolutely convinced they know what they are doing.'
I found this remarkable. If you think about it, he's right. Every dictator, every politician, down to the moron that starts a fight in a bar... are more often that not absolutely convinced they know what they are doing (I can't remember that last time I heard any kind of retraction from one of these types). If this is truly the case, I suggest that all us "dazed and confused" people out there rejoice in the fact that we don't know shit.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."
To that end, I thought I'd share with you a line I read in the book Further Down The Road Less Traveled by author M. Scott Peck, that will get you thinking, as it did me and some of my friends.
He was talking about confused people and the not knowing syndrome that can drive many people to seek external help (or instead, go stark raving mad). He's not referring to the simple 'not sure if I should wear these shoes or that pair of shoes' type conundrum, but more the nagging "What the fuck is it all about anyway?" type confusion...you know, The Big Picture , The Meaning of Life. Some of which can be brought on by unresolved issues from our past, or recent events that quite literally turn ones world upside down and leave you without answer. His theme was that it is a blessing to be confused (as Jesus himself once said 'Blessed are the poor of mind') and continues to argue, quite convincingly, that it is the confused that seek and look for answers, perhaps sometimes all of their lives, but they are the people who constantly shift their ideas, thoughts and what they know, realizing that they really know very little.
That's when he interjected the line which really gave me pause for thought. He said 'Virtually all the evil in this world is caused by people who are absolutely convinced they know what they are doing.'
I found this remarkable. If you think about it, he's right. Every dictator, every politician, down to the moron that starts a fight in a bar... are more often that not absolutely convinced they know what they are doing (I can't remember that last time I heard any kind of retraction from one of these types). If this is truly the case, I suggest that all us "dazed and confused" people out there rejoice in the fact that we don't know shit.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
A dream goes on forever
This is for my special friend
Let go I say
Don’t hold on
You don’t need it.
Now
Take a grasp
Make a fist
Hold on to it
Let it pulse through
Your body
Your veins
Take it to your heart
Smile
Show your teeth.
How does it feel?
Take a look
What do you see?
That’s what you are!
Become something new
Grab something else.
Open up your hand
Grab with both hands
Become two things at once
Feel the tension
Feel the power
Let go
You have the power
Pass it on
Let yourself be
What you are
Don’t hold it in
Scream
No don’t scream
Be gentle
like a flowing river
Snow reaching the ground in the Fall
Say a song and
Let it go
Like a bird that
Wants to fly south
It’ll come back
next season.
Wait for it.
Let go I say
Don’t hold on
You don’t need it.
Now
Take a grasp
Make a fist
Hold on to it
Let it pulse through
Your body
Your veins
Take it to your heart
Smile
Show your teeth.
How does it feel?
Take a look
What do you see?
That’s what you are!
Become something new
Grab something else.
Open up your hand
Grab with both hands
Become two things at once
Feel the tension
Feel the power
Let go
You have the power
Pass it on
Let yourself be
What you are
Don’t hold it in
Scream
No don’t scream
Be gentle
like a flowing river
Snow reaching the ground in the Fall
Say a song and
Let it go
Like a bird that
Wants to fly south
It’ll come back
next season.
Wait for it.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Bad Company
These are this months actual personals that appeared in the London Review of Books:
Nobody over 60. Nobody going through a divorce. Nobody fleeing from police matters. Nobody with skeletons in the closet, real or figurative. Nobody looking for a woman instead of getting therapy. Must be British and based in or very near London. Must have hair. Must be solvent. Must get along with other human beings and animals. I'm too busy for loonies. Box no. 03/03
My animal passions would satisfy any woman, if only it weren’t for the filibustering of this damned colon. And the chaffing of these infernal hospital sheets. Write now to M, 83, for ward visiting hours and a list of approved solids. Box no. 03/05
I ate a pencil and three Post-Its whilst writing this ad. Oh, and drank a bottle of correcting fluid. Whhheeeeeeee!!! Man, 33-and-a-quarter. Box no. 03/06
The only thing that makes me happy is weeping in front of the television whilst wearing mother’s clothes. That, and jazzercise. M, 42. There’s always time for guilt, Newsnight, and a good abs workout in the tortured juvenile psyche of box no. 03/07
If you don’t open the letters from the credit card company, it’s just like they never asked for their money back. Woman, 36, would like to hear from any men (professionals, blonde to 45) for whom this defence has worked in an actual court of law. Box no. 03/08
If these ads are half what my Romance-O-Matic machine (patent pending) says they are, the perfect woman (to 35, enjoys Radiohead and men who look like Angus Deayton) will post a reply to this ad at exactly 9.32 am on 10 February. If my weather-predicting knee (responds to changes in atmospheric pressure, school trip to Tenby, May 1983) is half as uncanny as it normally is, there’s going to be a shower of fully grown toads over Pembrokeshire at exactly the same time. M, 34. Box no. 03/10
I have the largest collection of bus tickets in Sunderland. Beat that. Man, 41. Box no. 03/11
‘I’d love to find you in the shower/ And chase the soap for half an hour.’ Slim, fit M (52) seeks thinking man’s bathing belle for LTR. nabokov@tiscali.co.uk
I have created an excel spreadsheet to document all the lovers I’ve had in my lifetime; the duration of each relationship; and how much each affair cost me in financial terms. I’d like you to be cell A2; 40 years: nothing – we’ll have independent incomes. IT consultant M, 34. Box no. 02/17
I once came within an ace of making my own toothpaste. M, 36, seeks woman with knowledge of fluoride compounds/tantric love-making. Box no. 02/18
Nobody over 60. Nobody going through a divorce. Nobody fleeing from police matters. Nobody with skeletons in the closet, real or figurative. Nobody looking for a woman instead of getting therapy. Must be British and based in or very near London. Must have hair. Must be solvent. Must get along with other human beings and animals. I'm too busy for loonies. Box no. 03/03
My animal passions would satisfy any woman, if only it weren’t for the filibustering of this damned colon. And the chaffing of these infernal hospital sheets. Write now to M, 83, for ward visiting hours and a list of approved solids. Box no. 03/05
I ate a pencil and three Post-Its whilst writing this ad. Oh, and drank a bottle of correcting fluid. Whhheeeeeeee!!! Man, 33-and-a-quarter. Box no. 03/06
The only thing that makes me happy is weeping in front of the television whilst wearing mother’s clothes. That, and jazzercise. M, 42. There’s always time for guilt, Newsnight, and a good abs workout in the tortured juvenile psyche of box no. 03/07
If you don’t open the letters from the credit card company, it’s just like they never asked for their money back. Woman, 36, would like to hear from any men (professionals, blonde to 45) for whom this defence has worked in an actual court of law. Box no. 03/08
If these ads are half what my Romance-O-Matic machine (patent pending) says they are, the perfect woman (to 35, enjoys Radiohead and men who look like Angus Deayton) will post a reply to this ad at exactly 9.32 am on 10 February. If my weather-predicting knee (responds to changes in atmospheric pressure, school trip to Tenby, May 1983) is half as uncanny as it normally is, there’s going to be a shower of fully grown toads over Pembrokeshire at exactly the same time. M, 34. Box no. 03/10
I have the largest collection of bus tickets in Sunderland. Beat that. Man, 41. Box no. 03/11
‘I’d love to find you in the shower/ And chase the soap for half an hour.’ Slim, fit M (52) seeks thinking man’s bathing belle for LTR. nabokov@tiscali.co.uk
I have created an excel spreadsheet to document all the lovers I’ve had in my lifetime; the duration of each relationship; and how much each affair cost me in financial terms. I’d like you to be cell A2; 40 years: nothing – we’ll have independent incomes. IT consultant M, 34. Box no. 02/17
I once came within an ace of making my own toothpaste. M, 36, seeks woman with knowledge of fluoride compounds/tantric love-making. Box no. 02/18
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Mark my words
What can I say, I was played the fool.
I guess I needed the equivalent of an anvil to fall upon my head in order to get the dose of reality that was thrown in my face just today.
After much agonizing and what I thought was the right decision, I had taken him back.
All of this, after I had already walked away with a clear conscience weeks before. A sound decision I thought. He's too messed up I thought. Why, we even had a nickname for him; "MR. MESS-UP", if you can believe that one. I suppose in retrospect I was simply deluding myself and making countless excuses for his odd behavior, his unwillingness to make a solid decision in everything, let alone a relationship. A relationship that he was seemingly so desperate to have. What's that they say about red flags? (I always did have a brilliant facility to ignore the obvious.) I even recall him thanking me for giving him a second chance (but if we're counting, it was more like five!)
Yes, he said all the requisite things like "I now realize that I was making the wrong decision all along", or "I feel we have come so far and it would be terrible if we never got a chance to see how life could be together just the two of us without anyone or any situation holding us back", and this being my favorite: "I no longer want to simply feel safe in my life. I want to be happy and I want to be happy with you." Amazingly, after only three short weeks, he's walked away, again!
I must have been blind or stupid or insane or gullible, take your pick. I am open to suggestion.
The phone rang and I instantly knew that it was my doomsday call waiting for me on the other end. I must confess that I did have a clue, as he'd literally disappeared on me for more than a day, which even for him was strange behavior. I heard the words that I feared the most: "We need to talk". Instead of showing his face at my door, as we'd planned, he'd taken the low road.
He spent a ridiculous amount of time talking utter shite. All of a sudden, here I was, faced with the very man that prided himself on being an ace communicator and I got nothing but babbling. It was like silence ringing through my ears and in that split second, the phone instantly felt like a two ton brick in hand. He was, for once, without the right words.
When he finally did say something that was audible, I heard: "I'm overwhelmed". "It's all too much" he proclaimed. "It's too intense" he said. This, coming from the guy that seemed to have an easier time juggling two relationships rather than just the one!
Naturally, I got angry, what else could I do in that moment? It suddenly dawned on me that I was the one that had given in the entire time we were together, I'd overlooked so many of his flaws, put up with countless disappointments. I was crazy enough to believe that he could actually go through with something as life altering as making the leap from one relationship to another without incident (can you smell the sarcasm?). Afterall, we had so much history, what harm could come from this?
I was completely on the defensive and this was certainly not a good place to be.
After putting my life on hold for him, I thought maybe I had good reason to voice my disdain towards this incredibly selfish, arrogant, self-serving and immature person.
It was tantamount to trying to reason with a nine year old.
He'd found his out. He could sit on the phone, making a feeble attempt to tell me how he felt without any regard for my feelings or what I had been put through. It didn't matter. I didn't matter. It was now painfully clear that it was always about him. Neither myself (or his now ex-girlfriend) could ever really figure into anything. Afterall, we were the ones that sacrificed and in the end, we were both left out in the cold.
One day he was happy, "on top of the world", as I was told.
"All was right, the planets were aligned", he uttered.
Did I miss something? Did he forget to take his medication? How does a person go from sheer elation to panic and fear in less than twenty-four hours and be completely incapable of explaining it?
Love is a weird thing people, it'll mess you up so bad, you won't even know what hit you. I now know.
Oh! and never, ever make the fatal error of telling the other person that you actually love them, because if they aren't prepared to hear it (in whatever form it was intended), you'll end up exactly where I am now. Hollow.
After all was said and done, I forgave, forgot, pardoned, accepted, made excuses, compromised, whatever you want to call it...and for what? Being with a man who clearly had no respect for me and thought primarily with his dick got me absolutely nowhere.
I guess in the long run, it's as we are told when we're kids, count on no one but yourself, cause in the end, that's all you'll be left with.
I guess I needed the equivalent of an anvil to fall upon my head in order to get the dose of reality that was thrown in my face just today.
After much agonizing and what I thought was the right decision, I had taken him back.
All of this, after I had already walked away with a clear conscience weeks before. A sound decision I thought. He's too messed up I thought. Why, we even had a nickname for him; "MR. MESS-UP", if you can believe that one. I suppose in retrospect I was simply deluding myself and making countless excuses for his odd behavior, his unwillingness to make a solid decision in everything, let alone a relationship. A relationship that he was seemingly so desperate to have. What's that they say about red flags? (I always did have a brilliant facility to ignore the obvious.) I even recall him thanking me for giving him a second chance (but if we're counting, it was more like five!)
Yes, he said all the requisite things like "I now realize that I was making the wrong decision all along", or "I feel we have come so far and it would be terrible if we never got a chance to see how life could be together just the two of us without anyone or any situation holding us back", and this being my favorite: "I no longer want to simply feel safe in my life. I want to be happy and I want to be happy with you." Amazingly, after only three short weeks, he's walked away, again!
I must have been blind or stupid or insane or gullible, take your pick. I am open to suggestion.
The phone rang and I instantly knew that it was my doomsday call waiting for me on the other end. I must confess that I did have a clue, as he'd literally disappeared on me for more than a day, which even for him was strange behavior. I heard the words that I feared the most: "We need to talk". Instead of showing his face at my door, as we'd planned, he'd taken the low road.
He spent a ridiculous amount of time talking utter shite. All of a sudden, here I was, faced with the very man that prided himself on being an ace communicator and I got nothing but babbling. It was like silence ringing through my ears and in that split second, the phone instantly felt like a two ton brick in hand. He was, for once, without the right words.
When he finally did say something that was audible, I heard: "I'm overwhelmed". "It's all too much" he proclaimed. "It's too intense" he said. This, coming from the guy that seemed to have an easier time juggling two relationships rather than just the one!
Naturally, I got angry, what else could I do in that moment? It suddenly dawned on me that I was the one that had given in the entire time we were together, I'd overlooked so many of his flaws, put up with countless disappointments. I was crazy enough to believe that he could actually go through with something as life altering as making the leap from one relationship to another without incident (can you smell the sarcasm?). Afterall, we had so much history, what harm could come from this?
I was completely on the defensive and this was certainly not a good place to be.
After putting my life on hold for him, I thought maybe I had good reason to voice my disdain towards this incredibly selfish, arrogant, self-serving and immature person.
It was tantamount to trying to reason with a nine year old.
He'd found his out. He could sit on the phone, making a feeble attempt to tell me how he felt without any regard for my feelings or what I had been put through. It didn't matter. I didn't matter. It was now painfully clear that it was always about him. Neither myself (or his now ex-girlfriend) could ever really figure into anything. Afterall, we were the ones that sacrificed and in the end, we were both left out in the cold.
One day he was happy, "on top of the world", as I was told.
"All was right, the planets were aligned", he uttered.
Did I miss something? Did he forget to take his medication? How does a person go from sheer elation to panic and fear in less than twenty-four hours and be completely incapable of explaining it?
Love is a weird thing people, it'll mess you up so bad, you won't even know what hit you. I now know.
Oh! and never, ever make the fatal error of telling the other person that you actually love them, because if they aren't prepared to hear it (in whatever form it was intended), you'll end up exactly where I am now. Hollow.
After all was said and done, I forgave, forgot, pardoned, accepted, made excuses, compromised, whatever you want to call it...and for what? Being with a man who clearly had no respect for me and thought primarily with his dick got me absolutely nowhere.
I guess in the long run, it's as we are told when we're kids, count on no one but yourself, cause in the end, that's all you'll be left with.
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