Hack Backs

As mockumentaries go, Pauly Shore Is Dead is possibly the most entertaining one I've seen in a long time. Most of us who were in touch in the 90's will remember the guy for his brief lay over in posthumous popularity (or for most, better known as fifteen minutes of fame, which for the weasel, seemed to last a hell of a lot longer). In a nutshell, he fakes his own death to revitalize interest in, well, himself and his all but dead in water career. The story is comically sound and gives you accurate insight into the lowest levels of Hollywood and all who dwell in it. We experience, through his eyes, the fickle beast that makes up your street cred, tinsel town style.
Sam Kinison plays Pauly's guardian angel of sorts and during a stint in prison as a result of his fraudulent demise, he shares a cell with Todd Bridges and befriends a host of other famous neredowells. Making genius appearances in the film (amongst many) are Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Vince Vaughn, Fred Durst and the ever entertaining Bill Maher. Way to go, Buuuudddddyyyyyyy!

Dialing it down

At what point do all British bands begin to sound alike?
My special friend recently surprised me with a copy of the new Keane album, Under the iron sea. Upon listening, it was evident that U2, Coldplay, Radiohead and even Robbie Williams were the primary influences here. The opening track was exciting, pretty, even soaring. Sadly, this enthusiasm could not be sustained throughout. There was a lot of hype in the music press about this albums' release, as it was meant to be a departure for the lads, treading on a darker side, more introspective and political. Wrong! It's somewhat reminiscent of their debut, but without the strong melodies and anchoring of a piano, that Hopes & Fears had managed at the time. I found it frustrating how it's completely over produced. There are only (in my opinion) three stand out tracks on this cd. The opener (which I mentioned already) called Atlantic, track three Nothing in my way and six, Hamburg Song. These aside, the songs this time round, as my Saturday friend put it, are OTT beyond belief. They lack emotion and lyrically struggle to find words that rhyme. We're forced to listen to tracks like Leaving So Soon and Crystal Ball, that are horribly sickly sweet and kind of leave you feeling queasy. I felt like I was listening to Jack Wild of H R Pufn' Stuff.

This offering is mostly dreadful, mostly.

Headless fowl and other considerations

I love this big city and all the weirdness that comes with living in it. This week I made a couple of strange observations without even trying. Whilst driving on the highway, I spotted a decapitated pigeon. A very fat pigeon at that. It was lying flat on it's back on the median, chest up, feathers to the wind and no head. It was clean off. Not sat nearby or rolled onto the pavement below...it was gone. Where did it go? When I told my brother this story he said, funny, I thought Madonna was in town, not Ozzy Osbourne?! This made me laugh. As odd as that observation was, I was stuck in traffic later that day and idle, in front of my car, was a motorcyclist in a pair of stone washed cut offs and burley black boots. I didn't give it much thought (though the image was making me slightly ill) until I changed lanes and glanced over at the driver. You know when you see something so unbelievable you shake your head in disbelief and look again, making sure it's real? Well, I did and what I saw was indeed confirmed. The person driving the bike was a man in his 70's. It was as if Daisy Duke and Wilfred Brimley had morphed into one. Old ass hanging out on the back of a moto...well, no one needs to see that.

Shits and Giggles

Funniest fact of the day:
The Transport Minister in the UK is called Mr. Alistair Darling (who looks suspiciously like a badger).
He's recently appointed a Minister of Road Safety who's name is Dr. Stephen Ladyman.
So, this means that their Transport Department is now being run by Darling and Ladyman.

Insane in the membrane

As is forever entertaining, the McLaughlin Group recently had a discussion on road rage. It would seem that road rage drivers are not just angry, they're crazy. So says research from Harvard and from the University of Chicago. The new sickness is called IED or intermittent explosive disorder. IED sufferers have abnormal areas of the brain that are supposed to control anger. Researchers estimate that up to 16 million Americans suffer from intermittent explosive disorder. With this in mind, it begged the question of the round table Should states require brain scans before issuing driver's licenses? (This got some mighty laughter.) Pat Buchanan responds: Well, look, those are the same guys that get in fist fights in bars. The continuing had me cracking up , read on:

MR. MCLAUGHLIN: Here comes Buchanan in his --

MR. BUCHANAN: Navigator.

MR. MCLAUGHLIN: -- Lexus tank.

MR. BUCHANAN: Navigator. MR. MCLAUGHLIN: Navigator.

MR. BUCHANAN: Yeah. (Laughs.)

MS. CLIFT: I think the treatment for road rage in case of anybody who has a Navigator would be that they would have to spend six months in community service operating out of a miniature car, a small car.

MR. ZUCKERMAN: It's a serious issue. I mean, they're doing a lot of brain work in neuroscience at Harvard, and I'm sure they have been able to trace that.

MR. MCLAUGHLIN: Do you think IED is due to nature or nurture?

MR. BLANKLEY: Oh, there's no doubt in my mind that, you know, 30,000 years ago the cavemen who were driving their cars down the road --

MR. MCLAUGHLIN: Do you think --

MR. BLANKLEY: -- you know, that that's where it evolved in our genes.

MR. MCLAUGHLIN: What about nurture, lack of socialization?

MR. BLANKLEY: Look, some people are angry. Others aren't.

Nice Shades, Blindy

I read this nugget this morning and had to share:

Remember last month when President Bush was in Florida and he spoke at an event and afterwards told a man in a wheelchair "You look mighty comfortable"?
Well Mr. Observant topped himself yesterday when he chided Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten about his sunglasses. Here was the exchange between Bush and Wallsten...

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?

W: I can take them off.

THE PRESIDENT: I’m interested in the shade look, seriously.

W: All right, I’ll keep it, then.

THE PRESIDENT: For the viewers, there’s no sun. (Laughter.)

W: I guess it depends on your perspective. (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT: Touche. (Laughter.)

Lots of laughter, but what's not so funny is Mr. Wallsten is afflicted with a rare hereditary disease called Stargardt's which affects both eyes, leading to variable levels of central vision loss. So... um... yeah... he sorta prefers those shades Mr. Bush, and good luck with those approval ratings. By the way Wallsten has been covering the President for quite some time, his look shouldn't have been new to the Commander-in-Chief. Doesn't anyone brief this twat anymore?

Karaoke Dog and Pony

Upon exercising today, I was listening to U2's Vertigo. I've made a strange discovery, but I could swear that Bono says the word "Chazbot" in the chorus. Either I am crazy or he's a HUGE fan of Mork and Mindy. This got me thinking. How many times have we heard a song and inadvertently sung the lyrics incorrectly? Here are a few that always make me laugh...

Journey's: Don't Stop Believin'
Misheard Lyrics:
A singer in a smokey room
Snow White and sleep with you.
Original Lyrics:
A singer in a smokey room
Smell of wine and cheap perfume.

Dylan's: Shelter From The Storm
Misheard Lyrics:
Nothing really matters much
It's do 'em alone that counts.
Original Lyrics:
Nothing really matters much
It's doom alone that counts.

Modern English': I'll Melt With You
Misheard Lyrics:
I'll stop the world and Albert Hugh.
Original Lyrics:
I'll stop the world and melt with you.

Filter's: Take A Picture
Misheard Lyrics:
Awake your Maya queen.
Original Lyrics:
Awake on my airplane.

Hands down, I think the most popular misheard lyrics in history has to go to:
Manfred Mann's Earth Band's: Blinded By The Light
Misheard Lyrics:
'N she was blinded by the light
Racked up like a douche, you know, the runner in the night.
Original Lyrics:
And she was blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.

Employee of the month club

I wish I'd thought of this...
Stanley Bing has written a book on the 100 most ridiculous occupations (well, he really refers to them as bullshit jobs and come to think of it, I am sure we all know several people who have one). Here's just a few of from his list:
1. Cleaning aquariums for the rich (NYC Mayor Bloomberg apparently has three of these guys working for him).
2. Pet Therapist
3. Road Kill Collector (mostly because it's seasonal and doesn't give steady work. Then again, who the hell wants the job anyway?).
4. Crumb Collector (these are the guys that work in your local restaurant and do little else but come by your table to rid it of your left over food stuffs with some device made especially for this task).
5. Closet Organizer (I take offence to this one. I pride myself on being a great closet organizer and would love it if someone paid me for my services. It's a lost art, as far as I am concerned).
6. Human Billboard (There's a guy out there, who you might remember from the news, think it was last year some time, who sold the space on his forehead to some ad company. Talk about entrepreneurial!)
7. Cable News demagogue (This one had me laughing aloud, as Tucker Carlson was voted amongst those having a really bullshit job and getting paid a lot to do it...I read somewhere that he wasn't too happy about making the list).

Purple noise

Ian Astbury and Jim Morrison are alive and well and living in Myles Haskett, Chris Ross and Andrew Stockdale, also known as the super group from Aussie land, WolfMother.
Last night they appeared on Letterman's Late Show and threw down a legendary cock-rock performance.
Their sound is reminiscent of Zepplin, Sabbath, the aforementioned Cult, Doors and throw in a little AC/DC for good measure.
Air guitar enthusiasm abound when you watch and listen to this trio.
I am running out to buy this CD, today!

Truck Stop Chic

It's been an age since I tuned in to watch The Late Show with David Letterman. When I heard that My Morning Jacket was going to perform with 13 members of the Boston Pops, conducted by the infamous Keith Lockhart, I promptly set the VCR. In rehearsal prior to last night's performance, the brilliant front man for the band, Mr. Jim James, stood on the Symphony Hall stage for the first time and had one important question to ask the Boston Pops. Were you guys planning to wear standard attire for Letterman? Actually, the Pops were considering dressing down, emulating My Morning Jacket's gruffy, "truck-stop chic". But they could be persuaded to stick with the elegant concert attire. Great!, James said, because we're thinking of renting tuxedos, just to sort of class it up. And "class it up" they did!
They performed a spine-tingling version of Gideon from their much praised CD, Z.
James' voice soared and roared, as the band played on. It was as if he was channeling some divine spirit as he belted out the lyrics with his eyes closed the entire time. Drummer Patrick Hallahan looked like a veritable cross between Animal from the Muppets and Janice Joplin. It was a five minute treat I will not soon forget.

Frugal Felon

Yesterday, in broad daylight, a 34-year-old lady lawyer was kidnapped by an armed abductor in Birmingham, Alabama, forced to drive off with him. For some reason, the guy takes the woman to a Comfort Inn. He walked in alone and asked for a room. A staff member checks him in, takes a copy of his driver`s license / ID, and then gives him the room key and he takes off.
When I read this story, I thought, ok, nothing odd about this scenario (disturbing, yes, but not out of the ordinary. After all, this is America). This type of thing probably happens more often than we'd like to admit. Except here's the kicker: The guy checked in using a coupon! When the hotel clerk realized that she didn't have rooms available for that rate, she gave him the next up from the coupon rate. This had me wondering. Where did the coupon come from? Was it in the paper, a flyer, what? The kidnapper had a coupon and he was using it during a kidnapping!
With tax and all, it was $70.15 for the room. Thankfully the guy was apprehended in the end and the woman was, amazingly, unharmed. I wonder if he was a former client of hers, or worse yet, someone that she prosecuted. That part of the story is still under investigation. Bizarre!