Going Postal

So, I was sat in the waiting room this morning of one my fave clients thumbing through the summer issue of SBC Skateboarding magazine, when I came across some letters to the editor. It was clearly a slow day and the editor decided to rag on some SPAM emails that came into his inbox more than a few times. He went to town on those people who wrote testimonials for the miracle pill Hoodia 920+.
The newest and most exciting fat loss product available. I was originally amazed that the first two pills I took made my cravings go away. Four weeks and three belt holes later, I have become an advocate of this awesomely powerful and natural supplement. I was so amazed by it's effects, that I started to exercise and get out more too. Now I don't even look like the same man and friends I haven't seen in a long time claim to not even recognize me anymore.
What had me cracking up was the brilliantly sarcastic answer the editor gave to this letter:
You have to be a special breed of lazy fat fuck to wait to take a pill to lose weight. Hell, I'm a lazy fat fuck who wanted to lose weight and even I didn't resort to bullshit pills. Try not eating shit food and getting off the couch once in a while, tubby. It does wonders. I swear, North America is going to sink under the weight of all these fat asses who are too stupid to stop eating. Like on TLC, they had some show about a 750-pound man. Dude was so huge, he couldn't move out of the hospital bed he was in. He looked like a redneck Jabba the Hutt. Know what? Fucker still ate junk food. The second you can't see your dick when you piss, you start working the fuck out-- it's an easy rule to remember. It should be the motto of every youth fitness initiative across the globe.
In Spain: El segundo usted no puede ver a su dick cuando usted piss, usted comienza a trabajar la cogida hacia fuera.
In Dutchland or Holland: De tweede u kan uw dick zien niet wanneer u piss, u begint fuck uit te werken.
What a retarded language Dutch is. No wonder they're all such douchebags...Anyhow, that was hilarious, and it took up enough space...Moving on now...