Dude, where's my Oscar?

So, the 78th annual Oscars aired last night and all eyes were on the brash and outrageously talented Jon Stewart. In my humble opinion, he was brilliant. I've read some reviews, some calling him boring and smug. I strongly disagree. His observations were quite reminiscent of the king of hosts, Carson. I thought his humor was right on, maybe even a little too current for last nights audience. There certainly was no lack of fun poked at the Jews and who better to deliver that brand of humor (especially in Hollywood) than a self proclaimed poster child for the people. If the evening was deemed a dud, I wouldn't have blamed its outcome on our host. The music was frighteningly bad, the sets were a yawn, the performances too arty and dry for a stage adaptation of any screen scene. One of the best moments of the evening came when Ben Stiller showed up on stage wearing a green unitard, explaining that he was invisible due to the "green screen" (which really is blue) technology and to watch his "disembodied" head. Absolutely insane, I cried from hysterics. Then I cringed when Dolly Parton sang that gawd awful song from that tranny-film that I'm sure I'll never see and she was wearing a white suit that made her already petite figure look even more miniscule. She looked like a veritable train wreck and only her plastic surgeon knows for sure what's real and what's fake. Her head was huge, sort of like a bobble-head. Lauren Bacall's attempt at reading the teleprompter was excruciating. It was clear that she was lost and this made me so sad. She was once great...Proving yet again that getting old really sucks! Another redeeming moment was watching in delight as the team from Wallace and Gromit fame accepted their Oscars and presented their statuettes to the world with matching little bowties. Too cute lads! Then there was Tom Hanks' hair, which totally scared me. Middle aged men should never let their hair grow long and they should seriously never straighten it when it's naturally curly! He looked positively weird. Salma Hayek annoyed the shit out of me, but then again she always did. Her accent seemed to get stronger as her presentation wore on and it irritated me no end. Dustin Hoffman was sober (this time round) and made me laugh, but I am not so sure about Jack Nicholson, Jake Gyllenhaal, Lily Tomlin or Meryl Streep, who all seemed to look like deer caught in headlights. There must have been something really strong on tap at the before party. Russell Crowe was a moody cow, again. The man never smiles! Charlize and JLo were a little too tan...Sometimes it's nice, but when you can actually see the outlines of your protective glasses, well, George Hamilton eat your heart out! When the "pimpin" song got it's award, I nearly fell over. The boyz from the hood actually swore and got bleeped and then we got props to Jesus. Now I must see this movie to understand all the hype.
Maybe next year we can get a dream show going. One where Ben and Jon and Bill Maher can host and have us all laughing our collective arses off!