It's Good To Be The King

This is a column brought to us by Tom Feran.
It points out my thoughts on the Burger King king so aptly, I had to share it...

If I had it my way, the king would go!
Spider-Man came to the door Monday night, along with Prince Valiant, a ghost and a couple of witches.
Fortunately, the Burger King king did not show up. I had steeled myself against the chance he would, but I don't know if you can really prepare for something like that.
If it happened, I imagine you would just drop the candy bowl and head for the liquor cabinet or gun rack, whichever is closer.
Maybe that's the mark of a really good Halloween costume. It probably comes closer to the trick-or-treat idea than the kids who dressed up as the Founding Fathers in a worthy but frankly nerdy masquerade. I should have told them to find Dick Cheney's undisclosed location to see what kind of candy he dishes out.
Nothing creeps me out faster than the Burger King king -- the guy in the oversize plastic head with a frozen smile that looks like a glazed death mask of the Unabomber.
The masks were supposedly the hottest item of the season. Burger King sold them out at 9 bucks a pop on a Web site, bkmasks.com, which features the king jumping out in a booga-booga fright move.
Somebody on eBay was selling "information on where you can purchase this mask" -- not the mask itself -- for $7, which is as close to a scam as you can get. There was also a $25 blow-up version. Bidding on these items topped $100.
All of this probably qualifies as evidence of a really effective advertising campaign. I just wonder why weird and disturbing characters are so popular hawking fast food, although it probably started with Ronald McDonald.
Ronald McDonald is a clown. Clowns are disturbing. If you are alone at night in a dark alley and get to choose between facing the Grim Reaper and a clown, you should take the Reaper.
Ronald and his sidekicks were a big success, however, and they set the table for more disturbing characters. Some people would nominate Jared, the fat guy who got thin eating Subway sandwiches. But he looks like Brad Pitt compared to the creepy talking "Bob" baby flogging Quizno's. Shudder.