Driven into therapy

Most of my mates know that due to the nature of my job, I spend a lot of time on the road in my car. This affords me the opportunity to see many areas of the great city that I live in. Along my daily commutes, I am priviledged (and then again, not so much) to observe many interesting people and goings on about town. Here are just some of the things that I noticed this week:
Stopped at a railway crossing, there were several pedestrians and cyclists, along with the many cars, as the trains ran by. I happened upon a man, who was navigating his ancient 10-speed, in what I can only describe as a SPEEDO!
He had a cigarette strategically dangling out one side of his mouth which sported a very unique and terribly cheesy handlebar moustache. He had a six pack in the front basket of his bike and naturally, was wearing socks with sandals. I rubbed my eyes, hard, in disbelief, but when the head-fog cleared, he was in fact still there!
Then there was the truck driver who was inspecting his engine on a side street. I was just leaving a clients lot when I spotted him. He was parked just across from my car and when I got into the drivers seat, I was instantly faced with his back as he was trying to make his way up into the cab portion of his vehicle. At the very moment that I turned on the ignition, he hoisted himself up and bam! as if on cue, his ass crack revealed itself to me, as he proceeded to lose his jeans. I was so mortified, but in the hilarity of the moment, I burst out laughing. I am sure he heard me.
Later in the day, as if my brain could take anymore, I witnessed a real life mullet and equally disturbing pair of mutton chops...all on the same person! Where are the grooming and style police when you need them?